Kidney Wings My Journey: Life's Hand

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Life's Hand

I sit here and wonder what I did that was so bad? Why am I the one that got this disease? Who did I hurt so bad that I was branded with this life? Then I think why not me, what the hell is so special about me. I kept beating myself up when I first started dialysis I kept saying "why me" but to be honest there is no reason that someone else should have to do dialysis instead of me. I always say if God brings you to it he knows you can get through it, but what if I can't? Is he sure that I am strong enough mentally. I have seen many people at the dialysis center and in my eyes they are so much stronger, they go 3 times a week and sit there for like 5 or 6 hours...that is patience. It takes me about 30 mins and I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. It's just sad to me that for so long I thought I did something to deserve this when really that is not how it goes. We all get dealt the hand we're given and we need to play it til it is over no matter how long or short it is.

2 comments:

MegOctober 13, 2010 at 11:42 AM
Babies and kids in cancer wards are not being punished...God works in mysterious ways...
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AnonymousOctober 13, 2010 at 11:45 AM
Kristin,

I am a co-worker of Meghan's. My name is Ken. I was very moved by your blog and felt I would comment. I lost my mother Denise suddenly on Labor Day 2010 to some type of heart issue. We are still awaiting the autopsy. Sadly my family also lost my Uncle Mike (Denise's brother) in January. I can totally relate to you asking why things happen. Since my Uncle passed I have made it a mission to improve my family's health and eating habits. Finally after 6 months of talking and suggestions, my mom and I had a long talk about her health. She had agreed to start weight watchers less than a week before she passed. I was so hurt and mad that she was taken from my family, and I felt like I should have done more to help her. What I think about is how in some way god's plan for her was something more than just living here on earth. What duty is it now that God would have her do? In the days after her passing, I honestly have felt her presence and have come to believe even more that there is some place for us after the short time we have here. I believe her and my uncle are watching over my family, especially my two boys Jacob (5) and Zachary (3). I talk to and pray to her and ask that she watch over me and my family. I miss her very much, but look forward to the time when I will be reunited with her. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, God Bless
Kenneth Barta
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10 Symptoms of Kidney Disease

Symptom 1: Changes in Urination

Kidneys make urine, so when the kidneys are failing, the urine may change. How?

■ You may have to get up at night to urinate.
■ Urine may be foamy or bubbly. You may urinate more often, or in greater amounts than usual, with pale urine.
■ You may urinate less often, or in smaller amounts than usual with dark colored urine.
■ Your urine may contain blood.
■ You may feel pressure or have difficulty urinating.

What patients said:
"When you go to use the restroom, you couldn't get it all out. And it would still feel just like tightness down there, there was so much pressure."
"My urine is what I had started noticing. Then I was frequently going to the bathroom, and when I got there, nothing's happening. You think, 'Hey, I've got to go to the john,' and you get there: two, three drops."
"I was passing blood in my urine. It was so dark it looked like grape Kool-Aid. And when I went to the hospital they thought I was lying about what color it was."
Symptom 2: Swelling
Failing kidneys don't remove extra fluid, which builds up in your body causing swelling in the legs, ankles, feet, face, and/or hands.

What patients said:
"I remember a lot of swelling in my ankles. My ankles were so big I couldn't get my shoes on."
"My sister, her hair started to fall out, she was losing weight, but her face was really puffy, you know, and everything like that, before she found out what was going on with her."
"Going to work one morning, my left ankle was swollen, real swollen, and I was very exhausted just walking to the bus stop. And I knew then that I had to see a doctor."
Symptom 3: Fatigue
Healthy kidneys make a hormone called erythropoietin (a-rith'-ro-po'-uh-tin) that tells your body to make oxygen-carrying red blood cells. As the kidneys fail, they make less erythropoietin. With fewer red blood cells to carry oxygen, your muscles and brain become tired very quickly. This condition is called anemia, and it can be treated.

What patients said:
"I was constantly exhausted and didn't have any pep or anything."
"I would sleep a lot. I'd come home from work and get right in that bed."
"It's just like when you're extremely tired all the time. Fatigued, and you're just drained, even if you didn't do anything, just totally drained."
Symptom 4: Skin Rash/Itching
Kidneys remove wastes from the bloodstream. When the kidneys fail, the buildup of wastes in your blood can cause severe itching.

What patients said:
"It's not really a skin itch or anything, it's just right down to the bone. I had to get a brush and dig. My back was just bloody from scratching it so much."
"My skin had broke out, I was itching and scratching a lot."
Symptom 5: Metallic Taste in Mouth/Ammonia Breath
A buildup of wastes in the blood (called uremia) can make food taste different and cause bad breath. You may also notice that you stop liking to eat meat, or that you are losing weight because you just don't feel like eating.

What patients said:
"Foul taste in your mouth. Almost like you're drinking iron."
"You don't have the appetite you used to have."
"Before I started dialysis, I must have lost around about 10 pounds."
Symptom 6: Nausea and Vomiting
A severe buildup of wastes in the blood (uremia) can also cause nausea and vomiting. Loss of appetite can lead to weight loss.

What patients said:
"I had a lot of itching, and I was nauseated, throwing up all the time. I couldn't keep anything down in my stomach."
"When I got the nausea, I couldn't eat and I had a hard time taking my blood pressure pills."
Symptom 7: Shortness of Breath
Trouble catching your breath can be related to the kidneys in two ways. First, extra fluid in the body can build up in the lungs. And second, anemia (a shortage of oxygen-carrying red blood cells) can leave your body oxygen-starved and short of breath.

What patients said:
"At the times when I get the shortness of breath, it's alarming to me. It just fears me. I think maybe I might fall or something so I usually go sit down for awhile."
"I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't catch my breath, like I was drowning or something. And, the bloating, can't breathe, can't walk anywhere. It was bad."
"You go up a set of stairs and you're out of breath, or you do work and you get tired and you have to stop."
Symptom 8: Feeling Cold
Anemia can make you feel cold all the time, even in a warm room.

What patients said:
"I notice sometimes I get really cold, I get chills."
"Sometimes I get really, really cold. It could be hot, and I'd be cold."
Symptom 9: Dizziness and Trouble Concentrating
Anemia related to kidney failure means that your brain is not getting enough oxygen. This can lead to memory problems, trouble with concentration, and dizziness.

What patients said:
"I know I mentioned to my wife that my memory—I couldn't remember what I did last week, or maybe what I had 2 days ago. I couldn't really concentrate, because I like to work crossword puzzles and read a lot."
"I was always tired and dizzy."
"It got to the point, like, I used to be at work, and all of the sudden I'd start getting dizzy. So I was thinking maybe it was my blood pressure or else diabetes was going bad. That's what was on my mind."
Symptom 10: Leg/Flank Pain
Some people with kidney problems may have pain in the back or side related to the affected kidney. Polycystic kidney disease, which causes large, fluid-filled cysts on the kidneys and sometimes the liver, can cause pain.

What patients said:
"About 2 years ago, I was constantly going to the bathroom all the time, the lower part of my back was always hurting and I was wondering why...and they diagnosed that kidney problem."
"And then you're having to get up all time through the night, and then you have the side ache, a backache, and you can't move."
"At night, I would get a pain in my side. It was worse than labor pain. And I'd be crying and my husband would get up, everybody, rubbing my legs."

Kidney Wings My Journey

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Life's Hand

2 comments:

AZ Kidney Foundation/ IGA Nephropathy Support

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10 Symptoms of Kidney Disease