Wednesday night

Just sitting here tired but really wanting to watch Criminal Minds which means my last transfer will be later. My dad is up next for possibly donating to me. So far we are both O positive! Tomorrow he goes and gets a physical to see how is weight,blood pressure, and all together health is. I'm terrified...feel like I am going to be sick...I'm scared something is going to go wrong and he won't be able to donate, not really sure how I can handle another blow like that. I don't want to do dialysis anymore, I am just so tired. I know I should not think negitive but it is hard. When Meghan was denied I felt like someone punched me in the stomach...I could't breath. I don't want to feel that type of pain again. I keep trying to not get my hopes up like I did with Meghan but it is so hard. It is just so hard to comprehend how one person can change your life forever, my dad can give me life again and I don't want it to be ripped away. I took advantage of life for to long and wasted so much when I should have been cherishing every moment. I never wanted to be sick but I have to look at it like some kind of bizzare blessing because I am a different person now and I love the person I have become even though I am a wreck half the time. My dad and I have never been closer and that means more to me than anything, he is willing to give me a piece of him so I can live a some what normal life whatever normal is. Keep me in your thoughts tonight...Send me some of your positive energy...whatever you can spare.