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I need an out sometimes and so I created this blog.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Thoughts for a friend

I have work with a gentlemen named Steve for the past 2 years or so. A little over 9 years ago his brother donated some of his liver to him. Before my transplant Steve wasn't emailing me anymore and I was talking to other people. I was told by one of his co-workers his liver wasn't doing too good. I emailed Steve when I got back never heard from him but I emailed him yesterday asking him how he was telling him I was doing good but I wanted to hear from him. I read his email this morning he said he wasn't doing good he needs another transplant but whatever happens in the end at least he go 9+ years out of this one and he couldn't ask for more. My heart dropped for him he is so strong him and his wife. He has to have stomach taps every week because he has an infection and can't have the catheter. Everything he is going through it's just, I don't have the words but I am sure you are all thinking the same thing. I wish he didn't have to go through this and if I could I would donate a part of my liver. Anything just to stop his pain. If I didn't have Steve to talk to while I was on dialysis I would have been so lost and confused. He was there in the beginning and it really helped to talk to someone who had been through it. I just want to be able to spread the word for him. Please keep Steve and his wife in your thoughts and Dad if you are reading this right now can you and Mom please send healings his way. Night all.

Shower thoughts

I was sitting in the shower thinking (have had a headache going on a week now so the shower helps) I was remembering when my dad told me I wouldn't remember the pain I had after the transplant because every time I would talk to him I just said PAIN dad so much, he would say it will go away and you won't remember the pain forever. As I sat in the shower I put my hand on my kidney closed my eyes and in a way I felt the pain I remembered the moments after my transplant. As dumb as this is going to sound I like being able to close my eyes feel my kidney and remember the pain because that pain was the most wonderful gift a person could ever receive that moment in my life when my uncle gave me his kidney it was beautiful the pain was there but like my dad said it will go away. He said when your mom's appendix burst she was in so much pain and she had complications, she had pain and a lot of it but pain is not forever which now I understand. I just want to remember it now and then I don't know maybe it is because I am still not "over" it just like how I can't clean out my dialysis room. Feeling the pain and thinking about it is ok to me it makes me more grateful for my gift and for the journey I have taken. I am sure people are reading this and thinking you are crazy but when I remember I think what I am putting in my mouth drinking water and just telling myself you need to take care of "lefty" he is a gift so don't take him for granted. I never will...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


Well last week I was play fighting with one of my friends and he jabbed me in the kidney. I fell to the ground and stayed down for about 5 minutes. It didn't register while we were messing around that my kidney was in my abdomen, come on who has there kidney in there abdomen. My kidney has been hurting since and I went in today blood work is stable but Dr. Loral was worried he said that jab could have flipped my kidney and killed it. He said the tiniest injury to the kidney could hurt it. He said I most likely have a bruised kidney and that's why it has been hurting he gave me some medicine and said keep an eye on my urine and let them know if anything changes and tell the my friend to stay away from my kidney. I told him I would go after my friends kidney if he hurt "Lefty" :). He also took me off of the Dapsone and Acycliver!!! Wahoo 2 pills taken off the list now 6 types of pills that come out to 17 pills a day! I have been having nausea and hot flashes so he thought lets get me off these 2 and see if that helps. Fingers crossed. Well I am going to go lay down need to take it easy just til the bruised bean heels.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Picked up medical records

Well I picked up my medical records last week and well going through them pissed me off BIG TIME. Just reading that every time they did a urinalysis they found BLOOD+++/PROTEIN+++. Plus you have there comments she is complaining of pain in her kidneys but did anyone ever do a damn thing no they blew me off to the point where EVERYONE was thinking I was making it up hell I even started to think maybe it is all in my head.i had to put the files down lol. I have so much anger and frustration with this whole thing. I am just having such a hard time "copping" and I am not sure why, I mean I was told that many people have a difficult time after transplant but I never understood til now. And I just really wish the pain would go away in my old kidneys but again doctors keep telling me there is nothing wrong it's in your head IGA CAN'T HURT!!!!!!!!! Well guess what... IT DOES!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok sorry I feel much better getting this out rather then keeping it bottled up :) Thank you to who ever is reading my frustration lol. ****DON'T EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW YOU FEEL OR WHAT YOUR FEELING ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR HEALTH!! :)