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I need an out sometimes and so I created this blog.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Shower thoughts

I was sitting in the shower thinking (have had a headache going on a week now so the shower helps) I was remembering when my dad told me I wouldn't remember the pain I had after the transplant because every time I would talk to him I just said PAIN dad so much, he would say it will go away and you won't remember the pain forever. As I sat in the shower I put my hand on my kidney closed my eyes and in a way I felt the pain I remembered the moments after my transplant. As dumb as this is going to sound I like being able to close my eyes feel my kidney and remember the pain because that pain was the most wonderful gift a person could ever receive that moment in my life when my uncle gave me his kidney it was beautiful the pain was there but like my dad said it will go away. He said when your mom's appendix burst she was in so much pain and she had complications, she had pain and a lot of it but pain is not forever which now I understand. I just want to remember it now and then I don't know maybe it is because I am still not "over" it just like how I can't clean out my dialysis room. Feeling the pain and thinking about it is ok to me it makes me more grateful for my gift and for the journey I have taken. I am sure people are reading this and thinking you are crazy but when I remember I think what I am putting in my mouth drinking water and just telling myself you need to take care of "lefty" he is a gift so don't take him for granted. I never will...

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