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I need an out sometimes and so I created this blog.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Each day

Each day seems to be getting harder and harder mentally and emotionally. My body is so warn out and tired and my mind is constantly going. I keep thinking about my dad's test results and what are they going to show? Will he really be able to donate and if not I don't know what I will do. I can barley concentrate  because I am so tired and I just don't feel good. I want to scream I GIVE UP!!!!! I am a big dumbass QUITTER!. I feel so lost and so alone now, I feel so pathetic. I am just really close to being done with this shit. I feel like I am spinning out of control and I can't seem to stop.


  1. I'm so sorry...that is literally heartbreaking to hear. I've been trying for quite some time to figure out something...anything to say to make you feel better... and all I have is: You have been so strong this whole time. You go through daily more than most people do in a lifetime and for that you are brave and amazing. I know how easy it is to feel alone, even in a room full of people when it comes to health issues...But you are not alone... You don't have to go through any of this alone. And while I can't take any of the pain and sadness away I can hold your hand through the pain and try and make you laugh through the tears.
    I love you dumbass and it breaks my heart to know what you go through. But please please please let me know if you ever need anything.

  2. you are you so amazing and so unbelieve-ably brave. i can honestly tell you that you are exquisite, you are couragous. you donn't let anything or annyone get you down. when you're sad, you look at the glass half full instead of half empty. i just wish that someday somehow i could become as beautiful and as breathtaking as to who i am honored to call my big sister. when you get your kidney, i dont care if i have to crawl through glass, i will be there for you at the hospital. you are my idle and my inspiration. you have mind-blowing qualities that i can only wish of having. you are absolutely not alone! i wish i could just take all this pain and distress from you. i would rather have it myself than see you go through what you go through every single solitary day. i admire you for your majestic, incredible, phenominal, and remarkable personality. i love you so much i couldn't possibly find the words.

    i love you;