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I need an out sometimes and so I created this blog.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

It's going to be rough

Had clinic today was kinda rough. I have not been feeling very good lately been having cramping in my legs and feet,fluid overload, and just been beyond tired. As I was telling Dr. M he asked me do your hands shake? I said yes but what does that have to do with anything, he then told me that is not good all my symptoms are telling them I am not taking to dialysis. So next week I have to go in for a kt/v so they can see if what they think is true. Being on dialysis I always joke about "dying" because if I don't find humor in being sick I don't think mentally I can handle it but now I am scared what if dialysis isn't doing the job? I just don't get it....I just want this all to be a nightmare and go back to a "normal" life. I am just so tired and frustrated with feeling this way I want to feel good I want to have energy I want to be able to act my age. Yesterday I had fluid overload really bad my face was huge and I just felt really bad I called my mom and told her I really feel like I am dying and I tried to laugh it off afterwards but honestly I felt like I was I just didn't feel right at all. This is all just beginning to be too much to handle mentally and physically. People can think I am being a drama queen or a baby but until you go through your organs shutting down you have know idea how hard it really is.


  1. Hi Kristen, I know how you are feeling. I'm in the same boat and I wonder whether my transplant will happen in time. I'm so sick and tired. Today I couldn't even bear to get out of bed. I write about it in my blog, among other things, but I feel like nobody that reads me really knows what it's like to be in my body (and mind) God bless you - I'm praying for you!

  2. Thank you Alison for being here and understanding. But you are going through not just renal failure but pancreas I commend you for your courage and strength. It's very hard to do this alone but this blog really does help. I am here if you need to ever talk or vent. By the way I love your cards!

  3. You are definitely not a drama queen or a baby!!! You are literally fighting for your life and that can't be easy for anyone. You should bitch, yell, cry...WHATEVER helps you to feel better and express your emotions. I will be there to listen (just please don't throw things at me haha)
    You deserve to be normal and act like every other twenty something.The hope and prayers won't stop until you have that fabulous new kidney that is out there somewhere. And when that happens you can do all the things you have lost out on or missed and I will be right there with you! Can you say Hawaii and Ireland?!
    Words can't express how sorry I am and how my heart goes out to you because of what you are going through. I love you...

  4. Hang tough! Dig into that strong Flynn pysche! So many prayers are coming your way. Everyone in my St. Vincent de Paul group is praying for you. Good things will be coming your way soon.....
    I can picture you at another Tigers game with all your Uncles with you....drinking beer & having fun! Love you pumpkin!

  5. Anyone who hasn't experienced what you have gone through can't even comprehend your situation. I continue to pray for your well being. Keep your spirits up! My favorite quote from church this week "The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."