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I need an out sometimes and so I created this blog.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Great news

Well surgery is scheduled! It is great news but my anxiety over the surgery is taking over my joy. I told Johnna today when I went to get my labs and she started screaming. It was pretty funny she was very excited and told me to start pounding down the protien and Vitamin C and to make sure I am extra careful not to get peritonitis because if I do get that infection I have to wait an extra 2 weeks to make sure I have no infection. I am going to have to miss the walk which SUCKS since I really wanted to go and be there but the kidney calls. I wish I would stop having panic attacks but I have never had surgery and it scares the hell out of me tubes down the throat, waking up during surgery, not waking up after surgery, catheter, I talked to my parents last night as they were trying to calm me down and explain it is ok to have these thoughts and concerns but instead of going crazy  for 2 months maybe I should talk to an  anesthesiologist and tell them what my fears are. My Dad on the other had has absolutely no fear he said he is 100% ready for this, he is ready to give me my life back. It is weird I can't remember what it is like to feel good, not be sick. Last time I was feeling good was I think 6th grade just sucks that it took them so long to figure out what was wrong and by that time it was a little late even though we didn't know it. My parents and I keep saying we thought renal failure wouldn't happen til I was in my 40's but like my Mom said if it would have happened then my Dad wouldn't have been able to donate at that time so it was actually good that it happened now rather then later. This illness has made me grow up and I wouldn't change it for a second. This has shown me that I am stronger then I thought. Well I am going to go take a Xanax since the panic attach has not gone away I am really going to have to hunt down the anesthesiologist. lol I just don't know how to thank my Dad for doing this for me.... I am getting my life back very shortly.

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